When you allow yourself to entertain the fantasy that there could be someone out there for you, someone who is the other half of your power couple, do you know who that person is? Have you allowed yourself to imagine this person in detail? How will you know you found him if you don’t know what you are looking for — even when you’re not actively looking?
This act of imagining, defining and clarifying is part of creating or manifesting what you want. Everything starts as an idea, a thought, an imagining. We create and bring into material form by imagining and activating clarity of thought, through our focused intention.
So who is this guy, the one deserving of, capable of, ready to be the other half of your power couple?
Listen up gorgeous because what I’m about to lay down are keys to unlock the vault on your dream guy vision. If you follow along, you’ll know with clarity and confidence exactly who this guy is. At the gym or yoga class, in the grocery store, at the coffee shop, at the conference, in the airport, at the holiday party on the dating app, you’ll be solid with spotting The One.
This is so exciting, I’ve got goosies! You too? Awesome!
Warning: Before we begin, you must know this is not the time to give yourself limits and question yourself about your high standards or what’s “realistically” available to you. This is not the time to judge whether choosing a quality as important to you makes you a deep or shallow person.
It is time to discern. Capture your true preferences.
This is not about judging yourself or others. Be true. Be honest. Do not judge. (We’ll talk about the difference between judgment and discernment another time, soon.) This is the time to let your soul’s purest imagination run naked and free. Capture its wisdom and whispers.
The first power tool in this process is the Quality Checklist. Consider the qualities you want to experience in your man. This list contains anything that’s critically important to you.
I’ll give you a start with a few qualities that are commonly important to my clients:
- Appearance: body type, shape, height, grooming, style of dress
- Employment status: job/position/title or entrepreneur, requires travel or not, level of stability
- Economic status: level of current wealth, potential for wealth creation, reliability of current income and access to money
This list can be very long, so again, I encourage you to not limit yourself. Follow the flow of your soul’s desires and imaginings.
Let’s talk for a minute about your high standards. And let’s be judgmental about them, just for a minute. In my opinion, high standards are the only way to go. Why should anyone settle? That’s my judgment.
You might have arguments about protecting yourself from disappointment and unrealistic hopes. But, I know you’re more courageous than that. And my friend, relationships — especially intimate relationships, the kind we’re talking about here — require the most courage of anything else in life. That is if you’re planning to make the long journey with someone.
I believe you are powerfully courageous or you wouldn’t be creating the awesomeness that you already do in other areas of your life. Decide how courageous you can commit to being in the area of relationships.
On to the second power tool. Dealbreakers. You’ve got to know what is not acceptable to you. When you get into a committed relationship, one of the ongoing exercises that requires the aforementioned courage is practicing unconditional love and acceptance of your partner. That does not mean becoming a doormat and staying in a situation that compromises your values and soul. NO!
What it does mean is sharing an agreement to hold trusting, unconditional compassionate space for each other. Think of it as having each other’s backs. With this agreement in place you transcend the potential for daily misery and drama around can I trust this person to love me no matter what kind of day I’m having. And that is a two-way street.
BTW: If you’re in a relationship where this becomes a one-way street, it’s time to do some serious evaluation to understand what changed and if it’s time to repair or move on.
So, dealbreakers. These are the things that keep the relationship in a no-go or a let’s just be friends place. Use these as fortified boundaries. They will serve you well.
Make your dealbreaker list by considering the qualities, actions, and circumstances that you can not tolerate. Make no bones about it. Again, I encourage you to be brutally discerning here.
I’ll give you a start with a few dealbreakers that are common among my clients:
- Relationship history: a past of rocky or broken relationships, including with family
- Addictive tendencies or behaviors: alcohol/food/drugs/smokes/gaming/smartphone use, unhealthy obsessions
- Self-care habits: breath, body, sleep, exercise, eating
What are the things that you can not live with? Consider everything from the mundane to the profound. If it’s deeply important to you that he puts the toilet lid down after he pees, you need to have this on your list of dealbreakers.
With this list in hand, you have the cure to the disease of falling in love with potential instead of what is. When the relationship moves from soft-focus warm glow to stark bright-lights-in-your-face, it’s the dealbreakers that creep in to haunt the relationship.
There’s a third component to this ideal guy vision you’re creating. It’s your Key Life Values. This list is about you and your belief system. It’s time to capture clarity about your own values because it’s the meeting between your values and his that lays the firm foundation on which to build the relationship you want to create.
Here are the top five key life values to consider. For each one, ask yourself questions about the specific value to gain clarity and a deep understanding of what you must have in your life in order for you to feel successful and fulfilled.
- Beliefs about finances and money
- Beliefs about family and children
- Beliefs about the role of spirituality/faith
- Beliefs about the importance of job or career
- Beliefs about health and fitness
When I take my clients through the deep dive of questions for each of these key life values, they uncover gold. Core treasure is revealed about you in this exercise. The kind of treasure that you can reliably invest with for a lifetime of fulfillment.
So, what you’ve gathered here is valuable information that came from your heart and soul — your greatest sources of wisdom. What’s so cool about the Quality Checklist is it can help you eliminate time-wasters just by reviewing an online profile. No head scratching about which way to swipe.
Apply it to profiles on dating sites as well. Some of the items will be obviously revealed in the profile and others can be inferred. The Quality Checklist is the first gateway that a potential mate must pass.
To apply your list of Dealbreakers, you’ll most likely need to interact. Search out any dealbreakers in your initial conversations. Pro tip: The key word here is “conversation.” You are not interrogating a suspect; you are getting to know another human being.
You are not judging this person as good or bad; you are discerning whether or not he matches your preferences for your power-couple soulmate. Embody neutrality in your approach.
As you discover more about the person, you can decide if you want to go deeper with him or not; i.e. does it make sense to spend time on a first date?
It will take more than one or two conversations to get all the dealbreakers answered. But If he makes it past enough of the dealbreaker screening that you find yourself on a date, this is where you keep your Key Life Values clearly in the front of your mind.
He will reveal his own values and beliefs in your interaction on the date in how he speaks about himself and others, how he engages with you, and the topics that he wants to talk about. And you can test out what he’s willing to talk about by conversationally opening new avenues of discussion. Here again, neutrality is the approach. You are discerning what works for you, not judging the inherent goodness of another person. Keep your heart and mind open while holding a neutral framework.
Yes, you will be getting messages of attraction, non-attraction, or repulsion. Take note of these to guide you in deciding to pursue more depth or not with this person. Let this information suggest a love connection, a friend connection, or a have-a-nice-life disconnection.
What you are building with these power tools is the profile of your ideal partner. Pull together all the information you’ve gathered to see a fuller picture of who this guy really is.
If you found this article helpful and want another powerful tool to help you confidently and efficiently create your power-couple soulmate relationship without compromise, you’ve got to check out 3 Steps To A Strong Foundation For Your Power-Couple Relationship.